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Why You Should Never, Ever Learn Martial Arts

Posted by Sarah Lobban on 4/30/2019 7:00:00 AM

 

Here at The Centurion, we usually try to put a positive spin on martial arts and training. Clearly, this one-sided approach is problematic, as it doesn’t cover the many downsides of martial arts training. So today, I’m going to play the devil’s advocate and let you know exactly why you and your loved ones should steer clear of the scourge that is martial arts:

 

 

Physical fitness is overrated, TBH.

Sure, childhood obesity is a growing global problem, and the US is one of the leaders. Sure, heart disease is the leading cause of death in America, despite largely being preventable through lifestyle changes. But how important is that, really? It’s a lot of work to get up and go train two or three times a week. Sitting on the couch is so much easier and way more fun! Plus, being stationary now is great practice for a future of being unable to move due to health problems! Pass the chips.

el gizmo                           I don't want to offend anybody so here's a picture of my cat Gizmo. If you look closely,                           you can tell it has been edited. Also he has lost weight. No one yell at me please.

 

Mental health, schmental health.

Blah, blah, blah. So what if exercise has been shown to improve mental health? That isn't too important to the average person, and trying really hard to be happy is almost certainly a functional substitute for activities (like martial arts) that can help your brain chemistry. Also, when it comes to serious mental health issues, like depression or PTSD, how could martial arts possibly help?   

 

You’ll never use martial arts in real life, anyway.

Nope. Nuh-uh. No siree. There are no examples

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of people being able to use skills they learned in martial arts classes

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outside of training.

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None whatsoever.

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At all.

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Seems like those people all wasted their time, huh?

 

Learning these so-called “values” and “morals” from martial arts is lame.

Respect? Pfffft. What place does that have in the modern world? Same goes for commitment, dedication, teamwork, self-control… seems pretty passé to me!

If you or your child choose to take martial arts classes, you’ll be in an environment where everyone, regardless of skill or belt level, gender, age, race, etc. is expected to treat everyone else as an equal, and work together so that everyone can benefit. That doesn’t sound like the kind of attitude you want to pick up and carry over into work or school, now does it?

 Photo by Moose Photos from Pexels. Stress hurts.                                Best case scenario: without martial arts values, maybe your kid can be the boss                                who yells at their employees, rather than the employee who gets yelled at!

 

Getting immersive learning about another culture is silly.

If you think about it, a majority of martial arts come from outside of the United States. How many kids do you think have learned their first Japanese words in judo? Or have caught themselves delving into Thai mytho-history after they got curious about the origins of the rituals of muay thai? Or (gasp) have been inspired to learn more about the country their art of choice came from, simply because they loved training so much?

Can you imagine? It’s almost like one country isn’t enough for them! How dare they broaden their cultural horizons!

Samurai are some of the best known warriors of the ancient world.They might even learn about samurai or ninjas, which we all know are totally uncool.

 

Martial arts makes people violent and dangerous.

True story. In fact, as you may already know, Century is home to many employee martial artists, myself included. This makes for a very high concentration of angry, volatile people. As you’ve probably seen in the Century Challenges, we are all very hostile towards each other, and never have any fun.

pic 4We are a cold and unfriendly bunch. 

And if you think recreational martial artists like myself are bad, you should see some of the havoc professional and lifelong martial artists can wreak! Like Ricardo Liborio, starting outreach programs for the vision-impaired! Or black belt Rabbi Elimelech Goldberg, empowering children who are fighting cancer! Or MMA fighter Justin Wren, whose horrifying rampage has brought clean water to thousands of people in countries affected by the water crisis! *faints in terror*

Bellator pro MMA fighter Justin Wren, "The Big Pygmy," at Century Martial Arts, dressed as Santa Claus for Christmas.Here is Justin Wren (with Danielle) during his visit to Century HQ last December, delivering homemade candy. This paints a clear picture of the kind of horrible person he is. Straight wrecked my diet.

 

And these stories aren’t rare, people. This is pretty typical martial artist behavior.

 

It’s just not fun. 

Just look at this Gameness Pro Team member Osvaldo "Queixinho" Moizinho. He's having absolutely no fun competing. 

Osvaldo Augusto Queixinho, Gameness Pro Tream athlete in Brazilian jiu-jitsu.

These children were clearly coerced into being here. Also they are not at all cute in their tiny little gis. 

Children attend a karate class.

 

These women are having an utter bummer of a time training Jeet Kune Do at the Martial Arts SuperShow.

Women train Jeet Kune Do at the Martial Arts SuperShow.

And these Century team members hate the noon classes at Century's onsite gym. Please stop letting us train in our free time! their faces scream.  

A Brazilian jiu-jitsu class at Century Martial Arts.

 

I could go on, but, quite frankly, if I haven’t convinced you by now you’re probably a lost cause. If you’re not a martial artist yet, though, there’s still a glimmer of hope! The next time you or a loved one is considering martial arts training, think of this list and all the reasons not to, and make the right decision.

 

Whatever you do, DON'T get cool new training gear from Century! It'll only  tempt you!

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